The Perfect Car for the Coming Apocalypse

Does Chrysler's bankruptcy mean I can get a sweet deal on one of these new Challengers? You can take the boy out of upstate New York...

Teetering on the Edge of Despair

For some not too obscure reason, the fact that John Cleese has both a blog and a Twitter feed makes me want to give up the former and never even attempt the latter. It does not, however lessen my desire to interview him about taking on what is perhaps the most diabolical of devil roles, C.S. Lewis' Screwtape. Back in the days when I had a contract to write a book about the devil in the modern world, that was going to be one of my best bits.

Today in Porn: Awesome Legal Edition

Many thanks to the Manhattan Lawyer, who passed along this best-ever legal opinion from The Honorable Richard A. Posner, Circuit Judge, United States Court of Appeals for the Seventh Circuit. It seems there was a scuffle between a couple of manufacturers of...well, take it away, Posner..."what the parties call 'sex aids' but are colloquially referred to as 'sex toys.' A more perspicuous term is 'sexual devices,' by analogy to 'medical devices.' The analogy lies in the fact that, like many medical devices (thermometers for example), what we are calling sexual devices are intended to be inserted into bodily orifices, albeit for a different purpose."

So dry! And bonus points for the use of "perspicuous," a word that has languished in many an uncracked thesaurus lo, these many years. And it only gets better. The disputed product was, according to the patent holder, a “sexual aid…fabricated of a generally lubricious glass-based material containing an appreciable amount of an oxide of boron to render it lubricious and resistant to heat, chemicals, electricity and bacterial absorptions.”

Posner goes to town: "By 'lubricious'—a word whose primary meaning, appropriate for a sexual device, is 'lecherous'—the patent means only 'slippery,' which is the secondary meaning of the word. The patent’s use of the word in that sense is confusing, because glass is smooth rather than slippery. But what is meant is that the glass, because it contains oxide of boron, is smoother than soda-lime glass and therefore becomes slippery with less lubricant than a device made out of soda-lime glass."

At some point prior to this, all parties should have dropped the suit out of the potential embarrassment brought on by making a judge speculate on this or that device's QLR (Quantity of Lube Required). But no. And so Posner rises to the occasion, and goes to the pertinent research (just imagine the lucky intern who got to go digging on this one):

"That glass has the properties that the patent claims for it, and one can see how those properties (even resistance to electricity, see M. Klintschar, P. Grabuschnigg & A. Beham, Death from Electrocution During Autoerotic Practice: Case Report and Review of the Literature, 19 Am. J. Forensic Med. Pathology 190 (1998)) might enhance the utility of sexual devices made out of it."

(Good old Klintschar, Grabuschnigg, and Beham. All those jerks who made fun of them at the Medical Research Convention, who asked all those sneering questions about what exactly drives a person to investigate death from electrocution during autoerotic practice - where are they now?)

But getting back to the case in hand. Posner has little use for your "patented" lubricious glass, and cites KSR Int'l Co. vs. Teleflex Inc. to make his point: "If a person of ordinary skill can implement a predictable variation, § 103 likely bars its patentability. For the same reason, if a technique has been used to improve one device, and a person of ordinary skill in the art would recognize that it would improve similar devices in the same way, using the technique is obvious unless its actual application is beyond his or her skill.”

If this hasn't been made into an episode of CSI by Fall sweeps week, somebody's not doing his job.

Your Argument is Invalid.

Area Baby Loses that New Baby Smell

Devastating.

"I just felt that you don’t talk about a book until it’s written."

- Nan Talese, recalling her objection to having New York Magazine writer Aaron Latham profile her husband Gay Talese while he was writing Thy Neighbor's Wife, his somewhat involved study of the sexual revolution.

And why is it so devastating? Because she is sharing this recollection with New York Magazine writer Jonathan Van Meter, who is profiling her husband Gay Talese during the writing of his new book, "the subject of which will take him right back to the scene of the crime, to the spot where everything went off the rails: a book about his marriage."

The Onion gets religion.

Well now. As the atheists shout it from the rooftops, my generation's heroes duck and weave. First, on April 2, they reviewed William Lobdell's Losing my Religion: How I Lost My Faith Reporting on Religion in America - and Found Unexpected Peace. Of course, it's not as if they're getting all friendly-like with the Jesus People - this is a story of lost faith, after all. (Thank you, priest scandal.) But look at this closing graf:

"The bookstores are full of screeds against belief and polemics against non-belief. In such a polarized moment, Lobdell’s book Losing My Religion: How I Lost My Faith Reporting On Religion In America—And Found Unexpected Peace, is an anguished tale of paradise gained and lost that provides a vital, revelatory human perspective. From the believers who inspired him to the institution that disillusioned him, Lobdell writes with page-turning urgency about a journey he finds simultaneously tragic and liberating. Because of his simple, honest style and ability to see both sides of the story, his audience should include Christians, atheists, and those hovering in the vestibule. It’s a primer on taking faith seriously enough to let it go, and it deserves to be read by everyone who cares about American religion, either as a promise or as a threat."

As I said - well now. And then, a week later, they took up Kevin Roose's The Unlikely Disciple: A Sinner's Semester at America's Holiest University:

"But the charm and emotional heft of Roose’s book lies in his honesty about how Liberty changed him. He not only sees the attraction of a university filled with like-minded peers who share a common commitment, but he finds solace in some of the practices that bind them together, like daily prayer. The ways his hallmates display depth and difference tempers his concern about potential brainwashing...When Roose’s off-campus friends and family send him messages that betray their fear and loathing for the people sharing his education, it’s clear that Liberty doesn’t have a monopoly on intolerance. The Unlikely Disciple serves as a refreshing cease-fire in the wearying culture wars, likely holding surprises for anyone—theist, atheist, or somewhere in between—who gives it a chance."

What's more, the comments are, as comments go, hotbeds of thoughtful, nuanced conversation(!)

Even a cheerfully impious piece like "Panicked, Sweat-Covered Pope Reverses Longstanding Ban on Abortion" works only because there is a certain regard for his "former" stance. Viz:

"'My friends in Christ, brothers and sisters of the cloth, having an abortion is...err...not that big a deal,' announced the anxious pontiff while reading from a series of hastily scrawled edicts. 'In fact, it is written, uh, somewhere, that the taking of an innocent life might even be something of a blessing in some cases.'"

The line, creepy as it is, doesn't work unless it really is the taking of an innocent life - or at least, if there is some reason for saying so. This one is even better:

"Pausing momentarily to take a drink of water, Benedict went on to stress that certain religious doctrines no longer apply in today's world, and that, perhaps, they ought to be weighed against more modern considerations, such as making a problem go away."

Compare that to Mother Teresa's: "It is a poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish."

What's going on over there?

Christopher Buckley at his mother's deathbed.

"I’d brought with me a pocket copy of the book of Ecclesiastes. A line in 'Moby-Dick' lodged in my mind long ago: 'The truest of all men was the Man of Sorrows, and the truest of all books is Solomon’s, and Ecclesiastes is the fine hammered steel of woe.' I grabbed it off my bookshelf on the way here, figuring that a little fine-hammered steel would probably be a good thing to have on this trip. I’m no longer a believer, but I haven’t quite reached the point of reading aloud from Christopher Hitchens’s 'God Is Not Great' at deathbeds of loved ones."

(More here.)

Second Daughter on Marriage

I swear this wasn't coached...

Eight

Daniel Mitsui had a fruitful Lent...

...at the very least, aesthetically. On Holy Saturday, he completed his latest drawing of the Crucifixion, and it is remarkable. Go visit for a larger view and an explanation of the various elements. And while you're there, why not poke around and buy a piece or two? Artists gotta eat!

Worried.

Day Job Report

I wrote a story! Well, not really - I wrote a segment. And the intro. But it's about drinking! Hooray!

Convergence: McNabb and Catholic Radio International

Over at CRI's Cover to Cover, The Wisconsin Poet, aka JOB, aka Joseph O'Brien, has begun reading from Andrew McNabb's short story collection The Body of This. Erudite and astonishing conversations to follow! Spread the word! Buy the book! Listen up!

No, seriously - check me out.

This place is dead, anyway.

Now Hear This.

THE REVOLUTION WILL NOT BE BLOGGED. IT WILL BE TUMBLD. THAT IS ALL.

Douthat on Fire

Theology has Consequences

The Two Most Beautiful Cars Ever Built, Spotted on the Same Drive to and from San Clemente

Convergence: McNabb and Dappled Things

Friend of Godsbody Andrew McNabb, whose debut story collection The Body of This is available right now, has gone and gotten himself reviewed by Friend of Godsbody Dappled Things. There's also an interview, but to see that, you'll need to subscribe to the print edition.

It's Easter, people. Let's resurrect this Catholic Letters thing!

Easter Girl.

Really, I'm not gonna turn this into a photoblog. Honest.

Day Job Report

I wrote a story!

Steeple and window, Easter 2009 at Little Flower Haven

Second Daughter and Namesake, Easter 2009 at Little Flower Haven

Dad: You know what her name is? It's Therese. She was very good and very sweet, so we named you after her.

Second Daughter: No, she's not like us. She's an angel with the cross.

We Interrupt This Hiatus To Bring You...Winifred Patricia Kathleen Lickona

Namesake(s) here